You come home after a long day, the priorities and anxieties of the day (and the day ahead) are weighing on your mind. Your partner is making dinner, or checking email, or helping the kids with homework. You walk past each other. Maybe you say "hey" without looking up. Maybe you ask a logistical question about tomorrow's schedule. Then you both go back to your separate tasks.

It's not that you don't care. It's not that the relationship is broken. It's just that in the rush of managing work, kids, errands, endless to-do lists, and random things that land on your plate, the simple act of connecting – really connecting – gets pushed to the bottom of the priority list.

But here's what relationship research shows: it's not the big romantic gestures or the elaborate date nights that predict whether a relationship will thrive. It's the small, daily moments of intentional attention.

According to Dr. John Gottman, one of the world's leading researchers on marital stability, couples who stay together and stay happy don't necessarily have fewer conflicts or more passion. What they have is a habit of turning towards each other in small, consistent ways throughout the day. Especially in the midst of the litany of things that might be vying for your attention.

This article is about one of the simplest, most powerful habits you can build: the 60-Second Connection.

The 60-Second Connection is a daily, intentional check-in with your partner that takes just one minute.

It's not a therapy session. It's not a problem-solving conversation. It's not a logistical planning meeting about who's picking up the kids or what's for dinner.

It's a brief, focused moment where you stop what you're doing, look at your partner, and ask one simple question:

"How are you, really?"

Then, you listen. Fully listen. For 60 seconds.

That's it.

One minute doesn't sound like much. But in the context of a busy, overscheduled life, 60 seconds of undivided attention is rare.

Research by Dr. Gottman and his colleagues has shown that one of the most consistent predictors of relationship satisfaction is what he calls "emotional attunement" – the ability to notice, understand, and respond to your partner's emotional state.

But attunement requires attention. And attention requires time.

The 60-Second Connection is designed to create a predictable, low-stakes structure for that attention. It's short enough that it doesn't feel overwhelming or time-consuming, but long enough to create a genuine moment of connection.

Dr. Sue Johnson, the developer of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), describes relationships as needing "emotional responsiveness" – the sense that your partner sees you, hears you, and values your inner experience. The 60-Second Connection is a daily practice of responsiveness.

It sends the message: "You matter. I see you. I'm here."

Here's a simple structure you can use:

Pick a consistent time each day when you're both available. Common anchor moments include:

My preferred time is after the kids are in bed. That’s when my wife and I find our best opportunity to connect.

The key is consistency. Your nervous system thrives on predictability. When the 60-Second Connection happens at the same time each day, it becomes a ritual your relationship can rely on.

This is non-negotiable. Phones down. TV off. Eye contact on.

If you're holding your phone, even if it's face-down, part of your attention is still divided. Your partner will feel it.

Research by psychologist Sherry Turkle has shown that the mere presence of a phone on the table during a conversation reduces feelings of connection and trust between people – even when the phone isn't being actively used.

For 60 seconds, be fully present.

This isn't "How was your day?" in the distracted, automatic way we often ask.

This is:

"How are you, really?"

Or:

"What's on your mind today?"

Or:

"What do you need right now?"

The phrasing matters less than the intention. It’s about genuinely asking and being genuinely curious.

Here's the hardest part for many people: you're not trying to solve anything. You're not offering advice. You're not jumping in with your own story.

You're listening.

Your partner might say:

Your job is to receive that information with empathy and presence. You can nod. You can say "That sounds really hard" or "I hear you." You can ask a follow-up question like "What's the hardest part?"

But you don't need to fix it. Sometimes, being heard is enough.

Dr. Gottman's research shows that partners don't need their spouse to solve every problem. What they need is to feel understood.

After 60 seconds, close the moment with a simple gesture of connection:

This signals: "I received what you said. You're not alone in this."

If the conversation naturally extends beyond 60 seconds, that's great. Let it.

The 60-Second Connection is a minimum, not a maximum. It's designed to lower the barrier to entry so that even on the busiest, most exhausting days, you can still create a moment of connection.

On days when you have more time and energy, the conversation might evolve into 5 minutes, or 15, or more. But even on days when you don't, you've still honored the commitment to see each other.

"We're too tired by the end of the day to do this."

Try moving the 60-Second Connection to a time when you have more energy. Morning or right after work often works better than late evening when you're both depleted. Maybe when you’re making coffee and both in the kitchen.

"My partner just gives one-word answers and doesn't open up."

This is common, especially at first. It can take practice. Model vulnerability yourself. Share something real about your own day. Over time, as trust builds, your partner might find it easier to open up more.

"We keep getting interrupted by the kids."

If you have young children, consider doing this practice during a time when they're occupied (during screen time, after bedtime, or before they wake up). You can also model this practice in front of them – it teaches them what healthy connection looks like.

"It feels awkward or forced."

Most new habits feel awkward at first. Give it 7-14 days before deciding if it's working. Awkwardness often dissolves once the practice becomes familiar. And do what works for you, including adapting the idea to suit your needs.

Connection doesn't happen in one big conversation. It happens in the accumulation of hundreds of small moments where you choose to turn towards each other instead of away.

Research by Dr. Gottman shows that couples who stay together and stay happy have what he calls a "positive sentiment override" – a baseline of goodwill and trust that acts as a buffer during conflict. This baseline isn't built during the conflicts themselves. It's built during the calm, everyday moments when you consistently show up for each other.

The 60-Second Connection is one of the simplest ways to build that baseline.

By making this small investment every day, you're not just improving today's connection. You're building a habit that strengthens your relationship's foundation – one that makes it easier to navigate the inevitable stresses, conflicts, and challenges that every partnership faces.

Today, try it. Pick a time. Put your phone down. Look at your partner. Ask: "How are you, really?"

Then listen. Fully. For 60 seconds.

Notice what happens. Notice what it feels like to be fully present. Notice what it feels like to be seen.

This is a great example of a "StepChange" in action. It's not a complicated system. It's a small, intentional choice that, when practiced consistently, builds the foundation for a stronger, more connected partnership.

You're not just having a conversation. You're building a ritual of presence – one that reminds you both, every single day, that you matter to each other.